Justin: that's my klingon beauty pageant article.
Howard: I'm loading it now.
Justin: tell me what you think - amy and i were
discussing last night that i have no one who edits me
really - i'm considered one of the best writers here
and no one takes the time to criticize me.
Justin: so i miss your writing nagging ;-)
Justin: to become better i need criticism
Howard: How do humans host an alien
beauty pageant? My candidate for the buried
Justin: good point
Howard: Klingon pie is juicy. Show, don't
Howard: Klingon charities! This is really
Howard: She stridently threatned him
should have been followed by a quote!
Justin: yeah i can't transcribe klingon! but
yeah, good point
Howard: We are Klingonese!
Justin: hah yeah that was a deeply surreal
Howard: "I couldn't decide whether to
laugh or cry or flee for the sake of my sanity."
is another candidate for buried lede.
Howard: You gotta come out with both
Justin: yeah i'm getting that
Justin: good point
Howard: "Pain!" GREAT quote!
Justin: hah these women were for real
Howard: "Neither erotic nor ironic" is very
Justin: thank you howard
Howard: Kissed the sausage! Great
Justin: hah okay
Justin: they didn't caption the photos, but that
photo at the bottom is me with the winner
Howard: Very good conclusion. You
might have added a couple more sentences
of analysis of the klingon reflection of
tendencies in the mother culture, but the last
line is very good.
Howard: I think it would be an excellent
exercise to rework this! It has all the
elements, really, and is 70% there!
Justin: yeah it's been published and i got three
more articles due
Howard: Beef up the lede, see if you can
get more sensory imagery, more analysis
Justin: so i can take your points and apply
Howard: Always, always, always, search
for the buried lede.
Howard: Show, don't tell.
Justin: i have a tendency to explain the setting
before i hook the audience good point
Howard: But you are getting there!
Justin: good to hear it
Justin: i might ask you to read another piece
when i have it ready
Howard: Start with a close-up on a startling detail or thought, then zoom back to reveal the setting.