26 July, 1995Final crash on Carl street, San Francisco, after staying up on ghb and herbal ex.porn star hustler 17 18 year old staying with louis rossetto. she's in an underwater photo spread. black pubic hair, buxom, fleshy. i am horny, wonder if she will spend time with me. she does, no problem getting her to be a little intimate with me. we kiss a bit, trouble with rossetto we go inside, downstairs, Chris and Peter's ground floor hear someone coming I am on the floor pop a contact out and look for it to keep out of trouble.
to a benefit for a politician john F. Kennedy is shot, was it there? did I see it? something dramatic and surprising, a preacher friend starts off a humourous speech in a ornate auditorium full of people, I knew john when he was young, and then turns mighty touching. my mother is there, she is moved. then to the more mundane features, we are outside schmoozing about new politics and old.
in a car, wilson is driving, up long winding freeways in open country. it is a big american car, two folks are in the backseat. are you cool to drive? I want to ask, he is speeding, winding a bit too much. instead I ask if there are drugs in the car, yeah, he's got pot, but not that much. I see cops, they don't pull us over, I warn him about getting busted with drugs.
suddenly I am in the backseat arguing with colin, the visitors are in the front seat.
we arrive near home, park, colin and I walk ahead of the group. colin is angry that I have not given him money. he says, "I am trying to start a business, I need all the money I can get, and you are not giving it to me." shouting at each other across boulevards I am fuck you, I'm trying to start a business too, but he doesn't recognize that.
we are at the front of twelve forty, inside somewhere else, he has me on the floor kicking me in the face, chest, stomach. my face is cut up, bloated, I lay there, argue with him, he should not have had friends over and expected me to pay their tab if he wants to save money.
mom and the visits walk in, ask me something. I pick up my head, sit there in silence, they are stunned, I say a little something, mom gives colin a silent angry look and climbs the stairs. colin bends down by me and sez, "you make me feel like I've done wrong." like a little conscience is sneaking in.